Or: “How I Froze to Death, Found a Leopard, and Bought Designer Lip Balm”
This week’s affairs comes to you from 20,000 feet above the earth—or however high this wobbly tin tube is—as I hurtle towards Cape Town, wondering how on earth I’m going to survive the weather down there. Because after the absolute nirvana that was the last few days in Kruger, anything below 15 degrees now qualifies as human rights abuse.
But let’s backtrack to where it all began: Monday.
Monday: Lions, Laundry & Existential Planning
In the afternoon, I had a game drive in Pilanesberg for Shefari Safaris. A lovely golden-light moment unfolded as a lioness reunited with her semi-subadult offspring right next to the vehicle. It was all very emotional. Hugs, nose bumps, feelings. The guests were happy. I was happy. Life was good.
Back home, I did laundry, packed, and braced myself for the horror of what lay ahead.
Tuesday: Cold, Death, and Migration
05:30 AM. I depart Manyane in a game viewer with the ambient temperature set firmly to one sodding degree Celsius. Destination: Mjejane Game Reserve, on the southern edge of the Kruger.
Now listen, had Debbie not lent me gloves, I would’ve arrived with digits missing. This wasn’t a game drive; it was a polar expedition. But—credit where due—driving a bit slower gave me time to absorb the scenic beauty (and mourn the loss of body heat).
I arrived at Mjejane just after 15:00. Perfect timing for an afternoon drive and the always-charming awkward guide small talk. (“So.. how’s the bush?” “Ja, quiet hey.” “Cool, cool.”)
Then: buffalo. A whole herd. Surrounding the vehicle, just after sunset. A classic Kruger welcome—something you don’t get in Pilanesberg very often, unless you count being side-eyed by impalas. Day one: solid.
Wednesday: Operation Leopard
The plan was simple. Leopard. Possibly wild dogs. Definitely bateleur. But mostly, leopard. We were first at Malelane Gate and ready for a full gate-open to gate-close mission.
Shortly after entering, we took the Gardenia Hide road, chasing early luck. A game viewer flagged us down and, with dramatic hand gestures, indicated we should follow.
Now, when someone in the Kruger does a dramatic stop-you-in-the-road flag-down, it must be serious. So obviously we assumed: leopard.
Nope. Lions.
Still majestic, yes. But not what we were after. This was time theft. Leopard hours wasted on side characters. We didn’t linger.
We hit the S121 and then the S114, heading north toward Skukuza. Long dirt roads. Prime leopard real estate.
Then, jackpot: bateleur.
A mother and chick, right near the road. Close enough to photograph without needing a drone or divine intervention. One Wishlist item ticked. Spirits back up. Onward.
And Then… It Happened.
Now, here’s the thing. Despite many visits to Kruger proper (none of this Greater Kruger loophole stuff), I had never seen a leopard here. Plenty elsewhere. But not in the main park.
So as we crept down the S114, under towering marulas and ancient leadwoods, something started shifting in the air. Leopard country. It felt right. It smelled right. My tracker senses were tingling.
And then—parked off on the side—a white Land Cruiser.
We stop. Ask what’s up.
“A leopard, but it’s done nothing for an hour,”
says the man, bored out of his skull, as if spotting a leopard is akin to misplacing a sock.
I park. The Cruiser leaves. And I swear on my camera bag: the very moment he disappears from sight, the leopard gets up. Spots warthogs. Enters full hunting mode. Straight. Towards. Us.
He flanks low through the grass, leopard-crawling beside the vehicle. My heart was trying to do parkour in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. Internally, I was screaming like a child at a Spice Girls concert.
It was the sighting of my dreams.
And yes, the video is on my socials, because obviously.
We watched for another 30 minutes as he melted into the thickets, mission unknown. I still don’t know if he caught the warthog. And I don’t care. The sighting was enough to make me believe in bushveld magic again.
The Tourist Trap of Afsaal
We lunched at Skukuza Golf Club (delightful), then began the afternoon shift: chasing wild dogs and bonus leopards.
Afsaal happened. And so did lip balm.
I hadn’t packed any. After driving from Pilanesberg, my lips felt like they’d been tenderised by a belt sander. So I paid R95—ninety-five rand—for something called Lip Nectar.
Lip. Nectar.
Look, it works. But I better never need to buy it again or I’ll have to sell a kidney.
Hyaenas, Hornbills & the Wrong Decision
Back on the road. First, ground hornbills. Glorious. Then, a baby hyaena popped out from a roadside drainpipe like a nosy gremlin. He toddled up to have a look. My soul exploded. Adorable.
Now came the choice:
- Go towards Gardenia and maybe find wild dogs.
- Or go toward the gate and check a vague report of a leopard in a tree.
Spoiler: we chose leopard.
Far visual. But dreamy. We sat until gate closing, just watching her up there, living her best elevated life. No regrets.
Thursday: Birding and Brain Cells
Final morning. Quiet drive on Mjejane. Excellent birding. Two new lifers ticked off. Then: airport.
The flight from Kruger to Cape Town was the most scenic thing I’ve ever seen. Mountains. Coastlines. Postcard-level perfection.
And now I’m here—typing the rest on a bitterly cold Cape Town morning. Allegedly working remotely for the next 9 days while trying not to develop a wine habit or die of exposure.
Coming Up Next: Wine, Birds & Probably a Leopard
Pilanesberg still calls. Lions and leopards await. But first, a quick detour involving loved ones, a possible cheese platter, and a pair of binoculars.
Stay tuned.